I got an email today. Not sure when this happened, but I have signed up for an email-list from the Workshop Muse. For some reason I decided to mute my TV and watch the video. It was an exercise to create a one-word piece that would be my inspiration for the next year.
A few years back I had some really hard times, and there was this one question that helped me get through them. The question was: "Will this matter a year from now?". Back then, the answer to 90% of what was keeping me awake at night was No.
So I started to use art to sort my mind, to take time for myself, to take care of my self and to let the difficult things go.
This question basically combined with being creative helped me to stop overthinking.
Now I find myself in hard times again, and I see myself returning to art to cope with it, so the idea of creative mindfulness really speaks to me.
These days the answer to the question is Yes. The things that is keeping me awake at night will matter a year from now.
2019 holds some challenges for me that I have never faced before. I do not know what I am doing and I can not control the outcome. I can control the input, but that is all. The outcome can be positive or negative. I will be devastated if it is negative, and I will feel like I have failed. And the worst part of it is that it will affect someone else - my life will go on, but someone else's life will change to point I can not imagine. I am pretty sure that this other person will forgive me - but will I be able to forgive myself?
So I started the whole challenge with a fail - it was supposed to be one word - I could not do it, but it also gave me the perfect start to actually use my intentionword - I will forgive myself!
I will forgive myself for not being perfect, for not always be able to be there for everybody else all the time, for being selfish and for doing mistakes.
I will forgive myself for being me.
It is a big challenge, and creating this canvas turned out to also become a challenge. What is the color of forgiveness? Every color that I am not - forgiveness is soft, feminine and light - it is white, pink and a little blue. It is fragile and vulnerable.
I like to look at projects made in these colors - but to use them myself.... That is a whole other story.
I really wanted this to be turquoise and white. I love those to colors together, so that is where I started. I did not work for me, so I added some pink, and then some purple - I was NOT to use any black. Nope, this time I would stay way of the black. After a while I added some black....
I finally came to what should have been a final product - and I did not like it. This is supposed to inspire me, and it is just a big mess.
I did not like the feathers....
I really did not like the flowers....
And this....What is this...? I hate it....
So I went to sleep - This sure was a problem to deal with tomorrow.
So the next morning I sat staring at it. Then I thought I would just paint the whole thing silver and go from there. Turned out that my silver paint was all dried out..... Maybe gold? Also dried out....
So I took out all my shades of blue and covered all....
Sorry for the bad photo.
Anyway - it vas more ugly than ever, so I covered it all in gesso.
And now it is beginning to look a bit like what I wanted in the start of this process.... I can work with this I think.
It is now January 8th. And I have finally finished my canvas!
It sure was a long process, but I like this! I like the messy look, I like the colors, I like the shine - I like everything about it!
I think that this can inspire me all through 2019 to forgive myself!
Thanks for stopping by - I would be very happy if you left a comment so I can see that you came to visit.
I wish you all the best for 2019!
Love
Gunn
